It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

Snow, carols, cards and seasonal movies... yes, the celebration of Christ's birth is almost here. As I made my lists (and checked them twice) it struck me again: it is impossible to give enough or say enough to thank all those people who have impacted my life through the year.

Today I have written out cards that can be hand-delivered to friends at church. How do I begin to express in a sentence or two all I feel for these precious people? How their thoughts and prayers have blessed me, or their counsel provided direction and encouragement at just the right time... That even though we don't spend much time together, there is a connection between us that means the world to me...

I am so thankful for the opportunity to focus a few hours on sharing my heart with my friends. The annual exchange of gifts and cards is a small reminder of the gift of Christ's Son, Jesus. God's love and peace is the greatest present ever... an undeserved blessing. May my life, and love, glorify God and be a gift to those around me. 

Busy, Busy!

What happens when you don't blog for a month? Or more? Does the blog cease to exist? Do you stop having thoughts? Or do you just lack time and energy to record those brainwaves?

I think it's a combination of all those things. Life's pace overwhelmed me. My thoughts were all over the place. Maybe that's when I should have splashed them on this blog. But I needed to process some things in private.

Last week an inspirational email talked about BMWs. Only it wasn't the cars. It was the Bitching Moaning Whiners. We're to avoid those BMWs to preserve our mental energy. I think I should have been avoiding myself! I've done way too much whining this past while. Too tired. Too busy. No time. No sleep. No friends. Yuck. It's a wonder I haven't driven everyone away.

Focusing on the negative and trying to figure out how to manage my life has taken my eyes off of God. Self-centredness and independence might have killed me.

Looking back, I see that my life has generally been this busy. I've had a ton of responsibilities ever since high school. I've enjoyed it. I like to use my gifts and talents in the community. I function fairly well with little sleep and at high pace. I'm blessed with friends and so much more.

This is not to say that I shouldn't find or achieve balance. I should. It's necessary. Steps can be taken to improve my quality of life. So far, they are baby steps, but still... not long ago I wouldn't even have contemplated needing a balance.

A TV evangelist reminded me today to "Let God be God!" Good advice. I'm not in charge of the world, nor do I have to worry about the future.

In three days I'm looking at a short vacation and time with family. Time with God, enjoying His creation. He wants me to rest in Him. I intend to make this a time of refreshing and renewal and a recommitment to growing closer to my Saviour. That should make for a Beth More Winsome.

Say Yes To The Dress

Reality shows suck me in and yesterday I watched one episode of the "bride in a panic to find the perfect gown" show. Each woman has a certain dream of how she will look on the big day. The quest for the dream takes a lot out of the girls and the sales person. Everyone needs to weigh in and good or bad, there are tears.

I often marvel at the cost of the dress... or what a bride will do to make the dream come true. I've said that if my day ever comes, I just want to be comfortable and have the focus be on the marriage, not the 30 minute ceremony and following celebration.

Today our pastor's message on relationship limiting moves focused on unforgiveness and the consequences of harboring bitterness against others. It's so easy to believe that I'm justified in judging others and holding onto my "rights" when I've been wronged. The reality is that we're all sinners. I've wronged others - intentionally and unintentionally. Scripture says that our righteousness is like "filthy rags" yet so often I delude myself into thinking that I'm going through life wearing a beautiful clean white gown.

It's only by confessing my sins and asking forgiveness from the one who paid the ultimate price that I am clothed in His righteousness. Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice. I'm glad I said Yes to Your Dress.

Anticipation

I'm breathing deeply and sitting quietly with my feet up... you see, it's finally the weekend. There were times this week I thought I couldn't possibly last until Friday evening. And yet, a lot has been accomplished. A few projects were crossed off the big list. It feels good. 

There is nothing planned for tomorrow. I'm not anticipating anything special, but that's the beauty of it. Anything could happen. I could sleep all day and maybe get rid of my cold. Or, I might wake up early and tackle work around the house with ambitious abandon. Whatever transpires, I expect that tomorrow is all mine... no outside commitments.

I grew up with high value placed on anticipating... the art of being prepared to act or thinking ahead to what might be required and having it ready. Sort of like an OR nurse reading the surgeon's mind and slapping the right instrument into his hand a second before he can ask for it.

In my case, it was a tool ready for home renovation projects. I was well-trained as the go-for girl when Dad needed help in building bedrooms or fixing the car. I have more fun shopping in Canadian Tire and Home Depot than clothing shops. I like to say that I'm just knowledgable enough to be dangerous if I should try to repair something on my own. However, thanks to Dad, I do know how to anticipate. It's served me well in my career, even if I do come off as a smarty-pants at times.

Anticipating can also get me into trouble when it's mixed with a bit of fear and pessimism. My Grandma was good at anticipating, except it was really called worrying. She ALWAYS prepared for the worst and chewed on the bad things that might happen with a bit of a grim countenance. We could get her to laugh at herself for this habit, but mostly she had trouble trusting for the future.

In many ways, I've got a good bit of Grandma in me. It's tough for me to anticipate that the mail will bring cheques instead of bills or that the Doctor will say I'm healthy instead of ill. It's easier to fear and assume that bad things will happen.

God doesn't want me to think this way. It limits my faith and my dreams and my prayers. That kind of living also shows my lack of trust in His power and presence. As His child, I can rely on His sovereignty. He knows the plans He has for me - plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future. What a great thought for all my tomorrows!

Feeling Squeezed

Without being whiny, once again, my schedule contains commitments and assignments with rapidly approaching due dates. I should be used to this, it's nothing new, but exhaustion is setting in. I'm not sure how to get it all done.

Today I decided that one solution would be to find a bride. Strange statement for a heterosexual female, I know. But a stay-at-home wife would solve a bunch of my problems. The cleaning, the laundry, the cooking, the companionship...

Before we delve into the whole women's lib thing and submission and crazy talk about marital relationships that I have no clue about, let me explain why I think a "wife" is a good thing.

My Mom is my role model and she was and is a help-meet for my Dad, who worked outside of the home and brought home the bacon. My parents will be married 50 years in a few months. They love each other and laugh and disagree and work together and make all kinds of sacrifices for their kids and grandkids.

Mom and Dad met in Teachers' College and taught together until I was born. Then Mom became the unpaid labourer who cheerfully managed the household and cared for us kids. Dad was often gone with school teams and church responsibilities, and Mom found ways to serve the community too. Proverbs 31 talks about the woman of noble character. That's Mom.

So, when I talk about needing a wife, that's the kind of person that could make a huge impact in my world. And when I think about Mom, that's the kind of woman I want to be. Someone skilled in the household arts, and willing to sacrifice for the good of the family. Someone energetic and persevering and loving. Someone with the heart of God.

I know a wife (or husband for that matter) won't solve my problems. The deadlines are mine, and I can ask for help or prioritize and then just do my best with a cheerful heart. In the meantime, "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength!"

Time to run - the laundry's finished...

Parade of People

The sun came out today and it was a welcome sight. People seem happier and have taken advantage of the break in the rain to get out and about. I've got a good street view at the office and also at home... and so I watch people.

The kids skip and ride bicycles. Sidewalk chalk and creativity have made pretty awesome works of art. Young moms are getting exercise with babies in strollers and dogs in tow. An elderly neighbour gets out with his walker and shuffles down the block. I hope the four guys running past are just late for a softball game.

Each step we take is part of the journey of life. Our paths are different, even if we seem to be heading in the same direction. There are those of us who are impatient to reach the destination. I have trouble enjoying the stuff that comes between Point A and Point B. Not that there's a lack of adventure there. But I'm better on home turf most of the time. I want to go exploring on my own terms.

Life's not like that. There are twists and turns and unexpected obstacles or blessings, and I need to be ready for detours. God knows the way and He never leaves me. My job is to walk confidently as He leads.

These past months I've sensed changes ahead. Undefined, unexplored paths to take. Not sure where they will lead. Or when the journey will start. Scary but also exhilarating change. It all starts with one step.

Which takes me back to the parade down my street. You have to wonder where these folks are headed. Not on their trek around the community, but in life. Are they walking confidently or are they feeling lost with all the challenges in the journey? Do they know my Savior is ready to walk with them? How will I start to show them the way?

Planning Ahead

I met with my financial guy yesterday. Numbers are not my thing, so I'm happy to have an advisor. I've tried to be responsible with my money, but mostly what is earned gets spent. I'm not crazy about debt, but with a mortgage and vehicle, well... I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go.

It turns out that I will need to keep working and contributing to pension plans for the foreseeable future in order to fund a long and happy retirement. Early retirement will not be in my vocabulary.

As I left the meeting, I told my CFP that it would be easier to marry a millionaire than keep working to support myself. He laughed and asked, "How's that working for you?" Very Dr. Phil of him, don't you think?

Well, money isn't everything. My needs have all been met. My wants are just that - wants. And God knows about them too.

My future? In God's hands. I don't know how much time I'll have. Worry is a waste of time. Facing cancer was a harsh reality check that life and death are out of my control. In weak moments, I organize and plan as though I have some control, but I don't.

So... I'll work to improve my financial situation, but live with my hands open. You can't take "it" with you. And the Bible reminds me that our Heavenly Father owns the cattle on a thousand hills. He's got more than enough to take care of me just fine.

Sounds of Silence

Yesterday was beautiful... almost undescribably so... but I'll try.

At church, we did worship differently. It was participatory and scripture-filled and there was no music. We focused on the attributes of God and what He's done for us. Prayers of thanksgiving and confession were offered. Our pastor laid out some basics and we shared communion, and it was incredibly moving.

One of the points made in that hour is that our society worships many things. I may say that God is the center of my life, but my actions and priorities can prove otherwise. Idols of money, relationships, career or leisure replace living for and giving glory to God.

After a quiet lunch at home, I picked up the book "In the Presence of Mine Enemies." It recounts the experiences of Martin and Gracia Burnham - missionaries to the Philippines who spent over a year in the hands of kidnappers. As I read in silence (without my usual TV background noise) I was struck by the horror and humiliation they suffered. However, they also held fast to their hope in Christ - believing their captivity had purpose and that God could use them to influence their captors.

Several points made the book more poignant. First, the Burnhams arrived in the Philippines in 1986. He was a pilot and they were stationed at Aritao. One of their good friends, Lynn Burggraf (also with New Tribes Mission) is mentioned in the book as being the one who had to tell the Burnhams' children of the kidnapping. Lynn hosted me and three girls in her village for several days in April 1986. We flew into Lynn's village. I'm almost certain that Martin was our pilot. I've recently reconnected with Lynn on facebook. Small world, eh?

Martin was released into the presence of Jesus in 2002 and Gracia made it back to the USA to her children. Life must be somewhat bittersweet, but I pray that God continues to comfort and bless her in ways above all we can ask or imagine.

It was probably 20 years ago that a friend of mine, also serving as a missionary in the Philippines, was murdered. John Speers left behind his wife Brenda and two children. John and Brenda were mentors that left a mark on my life back when I was with Venture Teams International in Manila.

Although I haven't lived on foreign soil in 25 years, I hope I've taken those lessons and lived out Christ here in my everyday activities in Canada. You don't have to look very far to find hurting, lost people who need the love of God to fill and transform their lives.

It's going to take more silence and focus on my part to pray and connect with my friends intentionally. I know my future in heaven with God is secure... but I want to ensure that I've done everything to make a difference for Him here on earth.

Chasing Dreams

Last weekend I woke up exhausted, even though I'd slept over 11 hours. I struggled to consciousness realizing that I'd spent the night running... from the scary things, toward safety, always on the move! I call them chasing dreams...

In real life I don't run. I can walk quickly if necessary, but running happens rarely. Whoever - or whatever - was chasing me that seemingly endless night forced some very fast getaways... just in the nick of time.

I try to avoid trouble and have worked hard to "keep my nose clean" throughout life. Some circumstances lately have had me worked up. Nothing critical, just some ongoing stressors that obviously put me on overload before bed.

Today I attended a writing conference. It put a whole other meaning on the phrase "chasing dreams." I met some great people who have been writing, been published or been dabbling in creative prose and poetry for awhile.

That's what I want to do someday. However, :someday" will only come if I start working on this craft in a more disciplined fashion. I've got all the tools. I have stories inside. Now to get organized and schedule time to contemplate and get words on a page - or in this case, a blog.

The presenters today testified that when God plants the seed of a dream, He also makes a way to fulfill that dream. He can use me to further His Kingdom and share His love through my passion for the written word.

Time to go... lace up my shoes and get moving... chasing dreams!

Late Night Energy

Seems my days and nights get reversed all too quickly. It was after 9:30 pm when I shrugged off my comfortable blanket, bounced out of the lazy-boy recliner and headed for the dungeon that is my desk area in the basement.

It was a nice set up originally, in summer, when the light from a nearby window made it seem inviting and an organized place to work. Recently, the piles of "stuff" have landed there and without overhead lighting, I've been less than enthused to tackle paperwork there.

Consequently, my real living space upstairs, is equally scattered with "stuff" and I pop open the laptop in fits and starts to try and accomplish projects.

My remedy? Rearrange the basement. My very seldom-used treadmill was bulky in the open area and the desk was crammed in the only space with decent headroom - at least for when you're on a treadmill.

Ta-da... 12 easy-slider moving discs later and a bunch of boxes of junk displaced, I have a nicer, brighter desk set up with the added bonus of being able to view the TV while computing. And my treadmill is by a window that can be opened when I work up too much of a sweat.

Now, it's past midnight and I need to wind down, but I do like the feeling of a fresh start. Tomorrow is a new day, with lots of possibility.

Tiger Woods is looking for a fresh start. His public apology (regarding the sex scandal stuff) was all over the news. He messed up his life, big time. Critics are saying he's just trying to save his golf career. I don't know. It seemed sincere to me. I'm glad he's getting treatment. Pretty sure that going back to Buddhism isn't the answer.

Only God can change lives. And when He does... Wow! Overwhelming love... and a clean slate like a fresh blanket of snow. So amazing.

Time to sleep, perchance to dream. I love you Jesus!

Procrastination and Perspective

Wow... it's been awhile. Not that I've had a bunch of free time, but nothing to say for 2 months? Ridiculous. And yet... I want to write things that are profound or insightful. Those busy or mundane days just glommed together and I made blogging part of the bigger list, instead of adopting Nike's "just do it" slogan.

So, here I am. It's my lunch break and I'm pretending that even though it's 3 weeks into the New Year that I can take a crtl-alt-delete reboot and make a fresh start on this blog.

Read a few chapters last night with advice from writers - how to fit it in a busy schedule, the burning desire to right, the vision and creativity that starts to come more easily when you write regularly... on a schedule. Got a bit inspired and won't promise to pump out notes every day, but once or twice a week is certainly possible.

And, if I write as though no one else reads this - which is probably mostly true, for now - then the words can flow freely and I'll just do this.

A profound thought for today is that I'm exceedingly blessed. My minor irritations of a twitchy, red eye and sniffles are nothing in comparison to what's happening in the world.

The country of Haiti is devastated by a massive earthquake and aftershocks. The loss of life is nearly the population of my city. A survivor was found yesterday who had been without food and water for 8 days. Thousands of children are without parents. Looting, violence, lack of infrastructure...

The Red Cross has received a ton of donations and is making a difference in getting food, water, shelter and medical help for the people. It will still take years until the country can be rebuilt.

Haiti was given an instant crtl-alt-delete. Like it or not, they've got to reboot and learn to live in a new reality. My prayer is that God will use this dreadful circumstance to create a hunger and thirst for the salvation, peace, love and hope only He can give. Let believers everywhere reflect His light and be bold in sharing the good news of the gospel everywhere. Haiti is not the only place where people are hurting. My friends and yours also need hope. Let's live like we believe that.

(BTW - either I type quickly or my thoughts got it together in a hurry - still plenty of time to eat my lunch. Perhaps I've found a new time in my schedule to add to this blog. See you later!)